Losing a pet is never easy. Here’s how you can comfort your loved one in their grief.
The loss of a pet can be heartbreaking. Whether the passing was expected or sudden, the intensity of the emotions we can experience might surprise us. Watching a friend or loved one lose a pet can be difficult, too. Our bond with their pet is often not nearly as strong as the bond we have with our own, but just as we would want them to be there for us, we need to be there for them. Here’s how you can help them through this tough time in their life.
While verbal support can be helpful to hear, sometimes listening can be more powerful in our saddest moments. When a person is grieving, they may respond one of two ways: they may attempt to process their emotions verbally, or they may shift toward silence. Either way, listen to what they say or share the silence with them.
Keep the conversation positive and moving forward rather than bringing up your personal experiences or focusing excessively on the loss of their beloved pet. While sharing similar experiences can sometimes be seen as helpful or sincere, some folks experiencing profound sadness might feel unheard or invalidated. They may also feel less inclined to share their feelings about what’s happened.
“I would say don't be afraid to bring up good memories. Most of all... use the pet's name. For some owners, losing a pet is like losing a child, so the grief can be just as hard. Saying their name reminds people they existed.”
-Dr. Erica Irish
Sometimes, pet owners must make the heart-wrenching decision to put their pet down. Whether due to health issues or old age, it’s natural for anyone to struggle with whether they made the right choice, and these feelings are entirely valid.
Challenge any thoughts about it being their fault or the wrong choice. Reaffirm the love and care they always showed to their pet. Remind them that they made the responsible and compassionate decision to consider their pet’s well-being and quality of life. But, it’s best to avoid words like “they are in a better place.” To grieving owners, that means that being with them wasn’t the best place and can make grieving harder.
One of the best ways to support your friend is to offer encouragement. They may feel frustrated, deeply sad, overwhelmed, nervous about the future, or what their pet experienced as they crossed the rainbow bridge. However, by offering support and validation, you’re helping them avoid assigning any judgments about their current emotional experience, leaving only support and strength for them.
After their pet’s death, your friend may not immediately remember the details of the life that they gave their beloved family member. You can step in and remind them of how much love you could see with every interaction and assure them that they did the right thing by their pet whenever they could. Focus on the good, and let them revel in the happy memories. If you have videos or pictures, now is the time to share them.
It’s often said that “time heals all wounds.” While you may want to avoid saying this statement directly, finding a soothing way to relate this idea can be helpful to a friend struggling to feel that they can move on. Assure them that they don’t have to rush the painful experience of grieving.
“I like the ‘ball and box’ analogy for grief. Where the ball inside the box is large at first, constantly pushing that grief button. The ball gets smaller in time, but when it pushes that grief button, the feeling can be as profound and deep as it was in the beginning.” - Dr. Erica Irish
Swapping stories and sharing memories is a great way to keep the emotional connection between your friend and their pet’s memory alive. There’s no wrong way to offer up memories and general support.
Losing a pet can be just as enduring and challenging as other types of grief, and it can be lasting. Try to support friends and loved ones in the following months and years. This ongoing support reminds them that their pet isn’t forgotten, even as life moves forward.
Avoid asking them if they’re going to get another pet. While it may be good-natured, it’s not the best question, especially since grief takes time.
Supporting someone during their grieving after they’ve just lost a pet can make a significant difference in their healing process. When you can support them physically, your help becomes a tangible comfort, providing both physical and emotional support.
Set up a special spot or have something made to remember the pet. A photo album, a clay paw print, letters, toys, and sympathy cards can all be great additions to your memorial plans. You might also choose to donate in the pet’s name to a local humane society, have special jewelry or a gift made to memorialize the pet, or plant a tree to have something long-term to remember them by. You can even work with a living tribute to plant a tree and help nature.
You can also work with local pet services to have a memorial service. One service, Resting Rainbow, is in many locations across the United States and provides numerous services as well as memorial services.
Food is a great way to comfort someone during difficult times. Baking them a special dessert or favorite treat is a great way to show them you care. You can also bake a treat together. Doing an activity together, like baking, can be cathartic and strengthen your bond, connection, and relationship with them.
To offer support over long distances, consider a gift card with a food delivery company, like DoorDash or Uber Eats. For betterpet’s own managing editor, Shannon, a coworker sent roses to honor her cat Gizmo when she died.
While exercise isn’t a remedy for grief, it releases endorphins and provides a relaxed setting for them to discuss the loss of a pet if they feel ready to. Nature’s therapeutic effects can help improve their well-being just by being out in it. Establishing a walking routine or getting outside can help them gently adapt to their new daily life.
Treating you and your friend to self-care can help show your support. Being there physically makes a significant difference, ensuring that they feel relaxed and comforted, and have the emotional comfort they may need. It may be harder for them to find the motivation to do self-care on their own, so having a trusted friend alongside can give them the companionship they need during this time.
Even if you’re not physically present with your friend or loved one, you can still offer them support. Showing them care from afar can help them feel loved, supported, and remembered.
Beyond just sending a card, you can send a memorial gift, flowers, a plant, a gift card, or make a donation. These provide tributes to their pet and honor their memory. Another way to show support is by buying them their favorite meal and having it delivered or gifting them an item they’ve been eyeing.
Additionally, you can video chat with them, do virtual shared meals, watch parties, or spend quiet time together. Even from a distance, this helps provide comfort and maintain a connection, providing moments of relief from sadness during their grieving process.
Sending a card to express your sympathy is always an appreciated gesture. It acknowledges their pain and lets them know you’re thinking about them. Here are a few things you can say to someone who’s lost a pet:
When it comes to a card, text, or email, tone and context are often lost in translation. So, being mindful of using the right words can go a long way.
When someone is grieving the loss of their pet, it’s natural to feel uneasy and unsure of what to say or do. Instead of trying to fix their pain, make it about yourself, or give them pep talks, give them the space to grieve in their own way. Here are a few things not to say to someone who’s grieving:
Supporting and comforting someone who has lost a pet requires patience, validation, understanding, and a commitment to being there for them. Listen without judgment and avoid trying to fix their grief. Each person’s grieving journey is unique, and sometimes, all someone wants is to feel companionship with someone they love and trust.
It seems like there’s never enough time with our precious pets. For that reason, a pet owner may choose to have a memorial service to celebrate the bond they shared and the bright light their pet was in their life. Memorial services for pets are becoming more common and serve as reminders of their beloved pet’s memory.
Pet loss can be completely heartbreaking and overwhelming for the family going through it. Speaking with a grief counselor or having memorial services can help you work through this time of grief in a healthy, supporting way.
Whenever someone’s lost a pet, you want to convey support and empathy. You can say things like “let me know how I can support you during this time” or “Your love for them was profound and special.”
Check in with them frequently, ask them what support they need, and how they’re doing. Be there for them and encourage them to celebrate their pet’s life. You can also send them a memorial gift in their pet’s honor.
Ask them what they need, bake them a treat, get outside with them, treat them to self-care, or do shared things virtually. Whether you’re physically with them or not, offering support and connecting with them can help them grieve.
